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Thanks for that, Vokoun! Awesome for us, uggggh, I cannot even say it. The standings are an accurate picture of my pain.
Tonight should be fun! I'm going down to London, so I'll be listening to the game with my Father, who's nominally a Leafs fan (and moving to a town outside Philadelphia this winter. Yes, it's like finding a...thing that's very common, someone who likes hockey for the brawls!) There will surely be some of that, oh please oh please dress Conboy tonight it promises to be fail at every stage. I'd bother to entreat the Canes to do something; score? try not to just help other teams pad their stats? get it to a shootout, at least we'll get a point? That's all shooting way high for this team.
Phil Kessel's face is an accurate ( picture of my psyche )
See, because I am a decent human, I hid that behind a cut-text.
What else. Doing medieval theology and semantic representations; it is comforting to know that I am not the first to think re: these dudes, "diaf." OH HEY MURDER IS PRETTY FUNNY. I don't know, I also wrote some porn this week? Still haven't signed up for Yuletide, though.
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Oh team. I love you, even though I think you suck and you're like a hot second away from waiving everyone ever and losing to the Leafs, and you're gonna probably give away LaRose and Whits, and MB Eric Staal is out with something undoubtedly horrible, and Cam Ward is developing a terrible habit of allowing at least two goals every time someone gets a good chance, and our defencemen all hate each other and need to learn how to share, and also clear the zone like it's actually their job, and it's gonna be like 2003, and 2007, all over again, and I can't deal.
On the upside, Brandon Sutter's still up, and doing various heroic things. Thanks a million for scoring, babe; and if you want some more chances, I will totally work out a visit to wherever it is you live, Alberta.
He's a hottie, though. Is he more or less hot than the cute boy in my historiography class? Not sure, probs, but I *totally* had dinner with the cute boy, (after departmental drinks, and trying to not get too uppity about how military history is totally the best sub-specialty) and it was totally not lame that we were in the dining hall and also I am not sure if he is legal, oh my gosh, I am going to get deported. Can they do that to me? OH OKAY just checked, he's totally at least sixteen, they cannot touch me. Conclusion is: YAY.
Again, Brandon Sutter.
IN CASE YOU FORGOT WHAT AWESOMES LOOKED LIKE!
Oh, and Yuletide! It's coming up, and some people ('sup, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) faded_lilac and sunlara) should sign up. Okay, everyone should sign up, but some people need extra persuasion (come on do it lamers.)
I wanted to try and post more often, but, uh, it turns out that mostly what I think about is dopey and/or evaluations of how my hair looks? Sorry sorry.
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Oh man I have been doing deconstruction all day my face hurts. Or well, my face and head area. Currently, I am intentionally misreading an article about the American system of manufacture, ooh interchangeable parts in rifles! and sewing machines! and bicycles! to pretend that I am actually reading about pitching; arms and small labours and America is all over it.
( how to tell if your history degree will be worth it )
Let's think about nice things! Brandon Sutter's up now, and oh, fortevivace wrote a ghazal (for me!) about Benn Olson. APPARENTLY some people do not like preserving their infamy, though, so here it is.
(Jane says) "...oh wow, the wine just hit me a little...honestly, poorer people? laaaaame...let's talk princesses!"
By princesses here, I think we mean Benn Olson. Or even if this is not the case, I am de-contexualizing and appropriating her words, and recontexualizing them to be about Benn Olson, which completely makes sense.
And now that Benn Olson is a princess (and "that" has been used two sentences in a row), here is a gift in the form of a few couplet synthesis of a few hour skype chat in which a poem about Benn Olson was requested. I am not sure how it became narrative and I have no idea who Benn Olson is, but here, ( he plays handball. )
Mostly, this entry is a cautionary tale about going for a history degree. SORRY faded_lilac just had to point that out. Also anyone else who has a degree in history who might be reading; I am sure, anyway, that you did, and are doing, better things with it than I.
ETA, 18:33: Putting aside poky cleverness, important thing relevant to my interests, Puck Headlines: OMG Taylor Squared loves hockey; Avs fluke?
THERE IS A PICTURE, GUYS. I saved your friendspages mostly, so you have to look:
Yeaaaaah! Not actually sorry faded_lilac. If only I could get The Hills here, my Monday night would be perfect.
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Oh team you are regressing to the mean! Ruutu is hitting people (or, well, Darcy Tucker. almost a person!) from behind, again, the lines are all messed-up, and I am awaiting the next injury. What a terrible week; first the Isles, and now the Avs? It would be reassuring if we weren't *also* losing to good teams.
Luckily, my Western Conference team is doing pretty great. OH OILERS. For real. Oh Oilers, you are doing quite well! This is exciting for all of us, but mostly Dustin Penner, since I enjoy telescoping perspective.
( let's do some exegesis and also some hotness. )
In conclusion, Dustin Penner is dumb, but people mostly like him now, and he's super-hot, and people mostly want to bang him now. People should write about him more! In the joyful sense, not in the sad, "2008-9 was a pastiche of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" sense. I would like that! Also this is four thousand words of commentary on an article that hardly reaches a thousand; yes, my paper on legal procedure in the royal demesne is going well.
SNOWBALL OF BAD ENERGY.
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Oh, mannn. So, to celebrate getting shut out AGAIN (although better to make Marrrrrtaaaaan Brodeurrrrrrrr look like a brilliant goaltender than like, Ray Emery.) I have decided to not talk about the game.
( Canes are still excellent, off-ice! )
Oh look I failed to attend church. Well, it's not my actual church, whatever. Indeed, my actual church was founded on the principle of not going to church here. Also banning Christmas presents.
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So, I apparently LOST MY MIND yesterday, and updated Facebook 32 times during the game. (Hey, if you don't know me on Facebook: more power to you.) It's so nice to start the season in a place of total mental stability, oh man. Cam Ward is a champion. Whits is everyone's fave, and in a moment of amazing Whits brand synchronicity, on the radio feed, his wife had a little ad for, I don't know, moving companies, and made fun of him. Please don't go, Whitses! However, defense? Feel free to start going, in the limited sense of MOVING ACROSS THE ICE anytime you like.
I had a really kinda crazy entry up here, and now it's not, awesome.
Things have been good! I know where the dining hall is! I went to my first tutorial today, and it did not crash and burn, not at all. Which, okay, yeah, anything that encourages talking is never gonna be something I do poorly in, what a surprise! Yuletide noms are on, and you should all participate (if, uh, you haven't already) and write awesome things.
I have 7000+ words of an okay hockeyfic. I guess I will do something with that tonight, 'cause I am certainly not reading any more Gibbon, even if it is my HANDSOME new three-volume hardback editions.
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Oh, essay. You are my babymama, and we are having us some drama. Not helped along by the fact that my bibliography has a ton of strangely spelled names, and I honestly think that my tutor is trying to see how hilarious it is when I have no idea what I am doing. Well, at least I don't have to read my paper first.
ALSO cool: the fact that my tutorial is in a real! live! fifteenth-century! building! Okay, this is probably boring to people not from North America, (with the notable exception of the dudes in my department, who kept on talking about the freaking architecture yesterday at dinner. yes, fortevivace where we got tipsy and I interrogated the fellow about, what else, hockey. Tragically, I don't like modern history, but if I did, you can bet it would be all Southern Ontario ALL THE TIME. And I would learn nothing.) Perhaps I will take a picture, next time I am over. Preferably before I concuss myself on the low ceiling. Except in my tutor's office, which has arching walls and a huge fireplace and more books than I have ever seen. Also he kinda looks like a hobbit. I'll make something of this later, I am sure.
Not that cool, however, is that inter-library loan is hard, here. Come on guys, even on the rickety old network, I should never have to talk to anyone at all when getting my books. Come on. And not only because I am self-conscious about my voice. What is this.
Very cool: today, walking back from aforementioned office, I saw a dude in an Avs shirt, on the other side of the street. I tried to catch up with him, but then almost got run over by a bus. Hah, I say that like it doesn't happen three times a day. Along with walking in the wrong door, and stuttering. OH HECK YEAH IT'S BACK. At least it is part of the whole "trashy accent thing" and also no one can judge me for more than a year about it. Am I a little unhinged about this? YES.
perhaps I would like a sandwich. I have to get bread and peanut butter tomorrow, then. (Uh-huh. This town is sooooo scary at night. OH SELF YOUR HANG-UPS ARE JUDGED: MOST HILARIOUS.)
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So I am at school! Or, um, we are supposed to call it "university" but, seriously, guys? I will try I guess. Anyway! I have a room, a room all to myself! It is narrow, and for people like fortevivace you will know what I mean when I say it is like living in Prospect. but it is allllllll mine. Today I went to a induction meeting for my subject, History. And it turns out that my tutor is way at another college, and no one here is really clear on what's going on; I presume that I really do have a tutorial and there will be books and papers and great deal of walking. Which: a good thing. Not a good thing: we apparently have four and two-thirds days of work time, for each paper, in this freaking "fortnightly" schedule. Hahahahahah. ANYWAY, important thing is that I am no longer at the airport, or the grimmest mod flat ever with no Internet access. So, go team!
Or not. Pitkanen? Walker? Cole? DAMN IT. It's like 2007, or more precisely, 2008, all over again, and that is really, precisely what I wanted to feel, two games in. Damn. To make myself feel better, here is a slow-mo, somewhat lame, but highly enjoyable clip that I have been watching. Well, for the last twenty minutes or so, since I have got my computer up and running for the first time in a week. This is probably not a great way to spend my time (or, judging from the number of horrible warnings we've had, my bandwidth. I guess I will get called in about it, or not, but really, if YouTube hockey clips and pointless screencapping gets me noticed, well. I should probably die anyway, and really, couldn't there be someone out there actually doing something illegal and/or cool?) but since when has any of that mattered? Here, watch hockey be amazing.
asdfghjkl; even freaking Dan Cleary makes me happy, right now. this is great. I love sports. I've mentioned it a few times, even to like, dudes, here, and have just got blank stares LIKE ALWAYS my life will never actually change.
Also not as much "go team!" I still haven't figured out where the dining hall is. I guess it is awesome that I am still sick, and do not want to go near food. And, no, I have not figured out where Health Services is, either. FAIL, SELF. Only, um, not literally! I perhaps suck at looking out for myself. Like a lot. If I get to December having eaten at least once here, and with perhaps some clue of where say, my tutor is, I WILL COUNT IT AS WINNING A LOT. Just like my team will, tonight. I am sure that Tampa Bay loves me that much, as I love it.
This entry kind of doesn't make any sense, and is really all over the place. I blame the freaking Canes IR and Wideman, and also my inherent inability to settle anywhere inside of six months. At least I am going to stay in and watch clips, rather than going out, because, wow, being sick sucks, surprise.
ETA, 18:54: Ahahah reading up on the usage guidelines. If we want things kept secret, we are supposed to send them via carrier pigeon, not email. Apparently.
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LEAVING TODAY. I know, finally, whatever. I am a terrible traveller, though, and would like to spread some of my anxiety around, a little. ick ick ick planes suck my life is going to be scary and difficult all evening. There's that. I was going to do a post about leaving, but it was kinda weepy, and totally unsettling, even for me. I am all packed, though, and just have to figure out what to do with the rest of the afternoon, aside from be nervous and stupid. Well, that and finishing errands and other assorted things, AS ALWAYS.
LET'S COME UP WITH NICE THINGS.
+Cam Ward signed for lots of money for lots of years. OH TEAM, WAY TO MAKE SMART CHOICES. I am ridic excited for the season.
+I am making pizza for dinner! It promises to be tasty.
+I have been making enjoyably silly print-out 8x11 posters, for my new room.
+Psych was pretty good, last Friday, wasn't it?
And hey next time I update, it will totally be when I am at school! I hope I can find it alright and stuff. OH YES it is always a joyous experience.
ETA, 16:55: ALSO Scott Walker and Aaron Ward did this amazingly dumb and hilarious clip, re:that thing that happened in the post-season. Highlights include: it all being Matt Cullen's fault, A-Ward looking like he shops at Twinky Twinkville, both of them being stupid and cheap, and also for once avoiding conversation, and Scotty Walker is a man. AND it's all in precious, super-awkward, tele-conference style. What an amazing thing.
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Soooooo I got my new visa today! And then I went back to my Mother's place, and got tipsy with her old assistant, and now I am trying to type and it is harder going than I thought it might be. I am tryingggggg, though!
( for hotties, AND hockey, obvs. )
In conclusion, I am somewhat tipsy indeed, but it is okay since I a)have my new visa, and b)am unreliable anyway. also c)my Mother volunteered (!) to take my brother to school tomorrow. what champions.
ETA, Wednesday 23, 10:30: Edited for spelling, also various HTML fails.
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DANY HEATLEY, WHAT IS THIS? Seriously, what is thiiiiis?
Months of speculation end as Heatley goes to Sharks
Sens deal Heatley to Sharks for Michalek, Cheechoo
Whaaaaaat. I mean, I guess so, especially since the last few days' craziness over the Sens-Kings-Sharks trade rumours, and it is nice, and Michalek and Cheechoo are nothing to sob over. (Picks do not enter into my world view. They are also nice.) I am crying anyway.
( all of the boys and all of the girls are begging: heatley heatley heatley )
Or, f-u-c-k me. After setting that to Britney, though, I am all 'totes whatev.' My girlfriend, who follows the Sharks, must be PSYCHED; I guess I will check my email and submit to her gloating. Liiiiife it is so hard.
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And emotionally needy! So I watched some sports. Okay, that's not actually conditional, but whatever, my Mother is away on a mission trip, and my brother is out with his friends, and I have been talking to the dog all evening in the hopes that he will respond because I am made crazy by actual lonesomeness. Crazier, I guess, then! However, the dog has yet to respond, so I am probably not unwell-crazy.
So, in an attempt to drive the previous post's crush on Eric Lindros *off* (and also because David Wright sucked this evening, and THAT'S NOT OKAY. Actually, it is totes because of Wright; I am very much tempted to develop a Lindros theme, and then no one will ever look at my journal ahahahah) I have some jokes that I wrote, but aren't actual posts of 5200 words of their own, yet.
( crazy Patrick Eaves, and a crazy bit of conspiracy theory involving Sam Gagner and Daniel Briere, as I am crazy. )
Also this song. Billy Currington; People Are Crazy. I cannot decide if it is a) totes the best song forever, b) performance art, or c) faily suck. I DO KNOW that it would be my at-bat song, were I a professional baseball player. I will figure out what I actually think of this, arrrrround the same time I break into the league. After I go to bed, for sure, though.
All the same, it is probably a good thing I cannot write up the South Pole triumvirate (or, um, failumvirate) rap. "Yo, my name is E Shacks and this shit is wack, I ain't gonna manhaul after Scott with a broken back/ Yet my main man thinks I am doing for the fame/ He's just really lame, just dial one-eight-sixty-six if you wanna be doing the splits, LAAAADIES." Since, you know, I have to be up tomorrow to do errands, not that it sucks or anything. This said, Cherry-Garrard could probably do some sick beatboxing. He's like Justin Timberlake in a way.
Yes, that is what we all need to take away from this; Apsley Cherry-Garrard: like Justin Timberlake, in a way.
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( helmets! )
And now, for my next trick, errands. Laaaaame. And visa, which, ohmygosh, even laaaaaaaamer.
ETA, 13:07: GLORY BE. Visa has finally been applied for. GLORY BE.
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( I'll tell mine you're gay. some introductory remarks, La TSwift, Thrashers )
What homegirl so clearly needs is someone with his own interests and career, and also capable of getting the hell out of town when required. Since I am a freak, I have a little programme for this end; ( BACHELOR NIGHT FOR TAYLOR SWIFT, COURTESY OF THE NHL. )
So that ended up mostly being a post about how much I like Dany Heatley the Ottawa Senators. Or, really, how much amusement I derive from their organisation, which is *almost* the same thing. I promise to talk about the actual rookies (Cowen!) or like, the other dudes on the team (Spezza! Oh my gosh Spezza!) in the future. Thanks, guys. And, sigh, I suppose that this brings me slightly closer to my goal of discussing the Southeastern Division. See, because I wrote a whole post about hockey without mentioning KCavs, or someone's sense of style-
DAMN IT, LA TSWIFT. Taylor Lautner, really? FINE IGNORE MY HARD WORK. Which wasn't really that hard, and was mostly silly pictures.
So, yeah! I am going to be gone for the weekend, but since I have posted more in the last two days than just about ever before, it's sort of whatever. Off to stalk my hot second cousin, and see if my new step-second cousins are at all suitable. What, it isn't like I will have anything else to do. Though I will probably be updating Twitter frequently, so c-c-check it.
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So this was a loooooong post about how Taylor Swift is really awes, and how her music is totally worth it, but it was more crazysauce than just about anything else ever, and I know from these things, so, here are some pictures and songs!
( the unicorn post of TSWIFT IS MY HOMEGIRL )
Try and drink your Haterade, now, faded_lilac!
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JEFF FRANCOEUR. I want homeboy to do well, even if he has ABANDONED his bff on the Braves (McCann, and they got matching dogs! And had matching honeymoons! With, uh, different women.) and is still sucking mighty hard. Speaking of, Mets, what the hell. 12-7 TO ST LOUIS. Guys, it's like you want to lose? Imagine that I uptalked during that, and then burst into hysterical tears. Still, I guess it is, oh, only the BOTTOM OF THE TENTH. Mostly, I want Francoeur to start trending back up; really. He started his career really well, and given enough time, and unlimited youth, could be seriously bombass. Which I guess goes for almost any athlete. This question would be more awesome, though, if the vampires played hockey. Come on, you know Emmett would be on that like white on rice. In which case, I would tap Dion Phaneuf, since he's already got the look, Robert Nilsson because such glorious hair would shame Edward into being less of a freaky-ass toward Bella or at least make ECullz cry in shame like he ought to, and Richard Zednik as he already knows all about bleeding out. IT WOULD BE THE BEST EVER. And given the above about Francoeur, this would be great. HAVE A BREAK OUT SEASON ANY TIME NOW, NILSSON. GET BACK ON IT, PHANEUF. ZEDNIK...JUST KEEP ON BEING KINDA BADASS, THEN. Or A-Rod, I guess. I guess also that. Had it taken me more than three seconds to think up all that, I might be ashamed. Or something; I am really no longer sure of anything except the fact that this is the most amazing invention ever. Even better than my current story (4252 starting wordcount for this evening! Man I am so great.) ETA, 23:21: STEVE YZERMAN. While we're on the theme of "dudes who look like vampires already, so they could totally bust the Volturi the HECK UP." Or in this case, demi-gods who could do the same; man, I understand why Detroit fans like looking at the Cup so much. Fine, sincerity time is over, and man, he does look like he lived off of breadcrumbs and coffee (and BLOOD from skinny wildebeests or whatever. Steve Yzerman doesn't like fat things. That's why Brett Hull left, zing.) for a while there. And speaking of, Dan Boyle Hates Fat People is, PERHAPS, the greatest blog post of all time. Fine fine back to actual writing.
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So, yeah, I am great in all ways. My personal plus/minus is three, because I am a hag. Let's do a rundown of this especially meaningless useless stat! ( I really lose control of it here, though. )
As a reward for that, I present: OK, So Maybe Jon Hamm is a Little Attractive Which, duh! Cigarette? Red Stripe? St Louis Blues hat? "Attractive" is totally not enough for all that awesome. WOULD LIKE TO GET ON NOW.
This was meant to be a sincere evaluation of how great my weekend with oodles_of_charm was, and it was, but I ended up getting distracted by porn, AS USUAL. Also my inability to be sincere, but whatever.
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faded_lilac is a horribly misguided person, and not that there's anything wrong with that, it's been that way for a while. This evening on Facebook, though, things were looking grim! We had been discussing lesbians! and children and also getting arrested, and having trouble spelling, which are all things we talk about all the time.
Jane, 9:18 pm
How, after seeing that picture of Mikey C, can you not want to raise children with a freako?
Kate, 9:34 pm
OH COME ON, IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHOOSE A MIKEY THE OBVIOUS ANSWER IS MIKEY WAY. FOR ONE THING, HE DOESN'T TAKE PICTURES LIKE THAT ONE OF MIKEY C. FOR ANOTHER, HE IS < I >CLEARLY</ I > THE MORE ATTRACTIVE OF THE TWO. BUT HE IS STILL SORT OF A FREAKO.
Jane, 9:48 pm
OH HELL NO. THIS CALLS FOR A BEAT-DOWN OF NAKED DUDES IN BLACK NOTHINGS. MIKEY C WILL HANDILY WIN IT, AS HE HAS A HILARIOUS SENSE OF HUMOR, AN EVEN MORE HILARIOUS FACE (GEORGE BUSH ONCE MADE FUN OF HIS AFRO) AND MANY VIRTUES I WILL NOT ENUMERATE HERE.
Kate, 10:28 pm
UM EXCUSE ME MIKEY WAY HAS AN EXCELLENT SENSE OF HUMOR, AS EVIDENCED BY HIS TWITTER AND POSTS ON THEIR WEBSITE. I DO NOT THINK WE NEED TO GO INTO HIS HILARIOUS (BUT NOT UGLY!!!) FACE, ALTHOUGH IF WE DO I HANDILY HAVE A FOLDER FULL OF IT. HE ALSO KNOWS LEVAR BURTON
Jane, 10:46 pm
BUT HAS HE EVER MADE IT RAIN ON HIMSELF? I THINK NOT.
Kate, 10:58 pm
AND WHATEVER, WOMAN, HE COULD MAKE IT RAIN ANY TIME HE WANTS. HE JUST CHOOSES NOT TO BECAUSE MESSING WITH WEATHER IS BAD NEWS.
And you know what? It is ON. Picspam time, bitches! (Although it may not go up tonight. WATCH FOR IT)
Jane, 11:36 pm
It is on, is it? IT'S ALREADY BEEN BROUGHTEN. By which I mean I am working on a picspam, and it is totally got away from me but whatever.
And it did, lo and behold. This is not that picspam. That's a hot mess of country music and Dany Heatley's face. This is ( two awesome dudes who used to be on the Sens, and have vowel-rich last names. )
So that was only one vowel-rich dude, well then tomorrow sometime in the future I will return to this theme. For now, suck it, faded_lilac, despite your claims for Mikey Way, MIKEY C IS TOTALLY THE BEST.
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So I meant to post as soon as I got back, but then I didn't, because I am lazy. LIKE WE DIDN'T KNOW. It was a lovely time; my Mother, my aunt, my brother and myself all went to Italy. Even if the euro's strength makes me want to cryyyy.
Here, for fortevivace a few selected pictures from the approximately eight-hundred-thousand that I took.
( grind it 'til you find it )
And yeah, the Internet continued to persist without me (weird, I know) but that is mostly boring. Uh, what else. Hockey! Carolina Hurricanes Select Philippe Paradis With 27th Overall Pick. We have our very own baby-faced Quebecker forward! Crowded on the Front Line - What's Next for Jim Rutherford? We still don't really have any defence! Seriously, we are pulling guys to keep them safe, I bet that is how Rutherford phrased it, from the Beasts of the Northeast, or HULKSMASHTOUGH Northeastern Division; a move that will obviously meet with great acclaim in the uh, highly classy and gentlemanly Southeastern Division. YET WE STILL HAVE TO PLAY THEM. HAHAHAHAH, I can't tell if I am crying or laughing. Season opener with the Flyers, ohman.
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I am still pretty frigging psyched about Pittsburgh's win last night. Yeah. In somewhat-related news, it makes me feel better for my team getting swept by them; we didn't lose to no runner-up, right, we lost to the STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS. It also makes Mike Richards feel that way, and previously we have only agreed on techniques for sucking cock. (Because he is a gay dude? I am not.) But now, we agree that it's awesome! Uhm, Pittsburgh doing well as a validation for your own team losing, not um, the mechanics of blow jobs, that shit's kinda straightforward.
You know, that makes almost no sense. WHATEVER.
I have to head off to a birthday lunch for my Mother, and then I will head off actually. Yes yes I will really be away. For three weeks! Please be leaving gossip, exciting life news, macros of wrongness and Blingees here.
 
LIKE THAT.
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( whatta bunch of fucks. game seven, SCF. )
ANYWAY. I love this sport, I love these teams, I even love these players. Thank you and goodnight. ♥ ♥ ♥
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SO ANYWAY. I have been remiss in my specialty on Livejournal, terrible ideas that I am too lazy to photoshop, but I thought you might like to know more about The Hills and hockey. Uhm, let's do that.
( laziness, but also K Cavs and a terrible idea! )
You know, I am pretty sure I had a point when I started. Who cares. I have been writing dumb and awesome sports rpf genderfuck, and also ruining things. My Father is visiting, and he and my Mother have been enjoying some totally epic sessions of defaming the character of all their (ex-)friends. Whatever, shit is kinda weird is the point. Also, heeeey mocking others is like genetic thing, a, uh, destiny. So pointless dumb posts speculating about...I am not sure exactly are like, appropriate. At least I am not trying to work out how anyone's parents may or may not have been cheating on each other circa nine months before the aforementioned anyone's birth.
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Helpfully, I recently learned how to say "stop" in Swedish. I cannot imagine when this will ever be useful, (do I ever want less akvavit? No, I do not ever need to tell people to stop pouring me drinks, also, wow, I did not think that "akvavit" was spelled like that, trippy) but I know it, now: "sluta." As I get further into the bottle of wine, it sounds less and less like "sluu-ta!" and more and more like "slut." The difference can be diagrammed:
before the wine: "Oh, that Lidstrom, he is a good leader. I bet he wishes that his team would sluta with this ineffective penalty kill."
after the wine: "SLUTA, SLUTA, ZETTERBERG IS A SLUTA."
OH WAIT. It will be useful, it is useful. I am a very clever girl.
( random fun pictures from the game )
I have a ton of errands to do tomorrow, damn. At least I will not almost kill myself with Agent Orange-based over cleaner, like I did today. When they say "toxic, use in a well-ventilated area" they do not mean "shut the doors and windows and SEE WHAT HAPPENS." I am all better, now, thanks for asking.
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I need to stop fucking around with trashy fandoms. SHUTUPPPPPP, Star Trek. I do not respect you now, why would I respect you in the morning?
My Mother and I watched Game One, this evening. ( I go on, a bit )
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( YEAH. Crude and insulting metrics, with pictures, natch. )
And then they all had ice cream, or something. Yay!
Point is, I am so so SO SORRY. This said, I need to get to talking about my dumb project, the mostly-unmentioned SUPER MIGHTY SOUTHEASTERN DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP. As I deal poorly with reality.
ETA, Thursday 28th, 11:23: I really have no excuse. I must still have been drunk, because this seriously doesn't make any sense. And is not that funny, outside my head? ANYWAY.
ETA, Thursday 28th, 13:14 SCRATCH THAT. THIS IS THE MOST BRILLIANT THING EVER.
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Cannot deal, cannot deal. Am going to just randomly post things, rather than actually do my planned post on AWESOME ATLANTA. whoops.
ETA, May 24th, 2:35 am: Backdating this. I should learn to not post when I am drunk.
( I AM JUST GOING TO POST MY FAVE PICTURES FROM AROUND THE LEAGUE, AND TALK ABOUT MY ~FEELINGS.~ SHOULD BE GREAT! )
So, in conclusion, I am being a terrible hostess to polaris_starz because I am sad and erratic. I can't talk about Trek fic, because I am always reading hockey analysis and going on crying jags, and I can't read anything to talk about it because I am always worried about freaking Scott Walker, or Tuomo Ruutu, or whomever and maaaaaan.
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Unhinged off the chain. I cannot deal, and just updated Facebook to that extent, and my little cousin totally called me on it, whoops. I think I will probably DVR the Carolina-Pittsburgh game on Saturday, and then just get really drunk before I cue it up. YES IT IS A PLAN. The postseason is making me erratic and flipped out, I need my team to suck more, so I can deal better yes it is alllllll about me.
Let's introduce my newest dumb idea! THE MIGHTY SOUTHEAST DIVISION!
PRESENTING THE NOT-RUN-LIKE-A-REGULAR-CHAMPIONSHIP,-BUT-A-DAMMED-CHAMPIONSHIP-ANYWAY,-STARRING-THE-SOUTHEAST-DIVISION.
( princess of blingees, I think is what you are saying )
And, yes, I know that Carolina's specialty this post-season has been coming up against incredible odds, and that all of the numbers hint that such a thing could happen. I will gladly eat my words, and trash this programme if it turns out to not be necessary. Indeed, I devoutly hope, with a tiny, not-gonna-jinx-it part of my brain that it will not be necessary. Blingees are therapeutic, what the hell.
Whatever, this is fun, and, true to form, I have decided to opt out of reality, and will continue to do so. Five-part series, guys, five parts of the SUPER MIGHTY SOUTHEASTERN DIVISION.
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So, that game happened. Team Hot Mess decided to take the second part of that literally, and Cole and Ruutu were off the ice, and now I am all worried. Please don't really be hurt, guys. You can be hurt like Brind'Amour got hurt, last game, though, that is maybe okay; Brind'Amour status uncertain, and so on. Although, warning, that is an ugly picture, as he's kind of a freaky-looking dude anyway, and Jokinen's puck to his face did not improve matters significantly. Fine, Cole and Ruutu could hardly suffer anything too awful, and it is not as though any of them were previously winning beauty competitions, but I am still worried.
( to take my mind off things, I made a Blingee! go LaRose and Corvo, mostly. )
Naaargh, I have to do stuff tomorrow and I don't really want to. Errands are lame, even though they keep the house running.
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I am still talking about hockey, whoops. I will probably backdate entries, should they get numerous, lest they clutter up everyone's f'list, sorry in advance.
( And now an abrupt shift in topic and tone! )
This said, GO TEAM HOT MESS.
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LA, today was lovely. Started unpacking, until I realized that I hadn't done any laundry here since Christmas, and got too depressed to do anything but stare at the ENORMOUS LAUNDRY MONSTER CHARGING OUT OF MY CLOSET. So I sat on it, and felt better.
Then polaris_starz and I went out, and saw some cool medieval art at the Cloisters. It was fun! I made a macro, to celebrate.
Oh, what else.
( and then I watched some hockey! I flip out a little, here. )
Finally pushed that awful summary off the top of the page, though, so go me. I think I should probably get a hockey-related icon that I didn't make while high, hilarious though Vinny Lecavalier's face may be. OH PRECIOUS IDIOTS, YOU ARE SUCH DREEEEAAAAAMMMMMBBBBBOOOOOOAAAAAATTTTTTSSSS.
Oh man I cannot think. I have been working on my Tequila Sunrise and it is tasty and makes typing and thinking hard.
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Why, guys, why.
Team Hot Mess became Team Bunch of Retarded Felons Who I Might Not Front Bail Money For, Even If They Asked, Because Seriously, TOO MANY MEN ON THE ICE WHAT THE FRESH HELL. Way to take the dumbest penalty available in the entire sport, heck, the entire sporting world. Honestly, it was like watching a tranquilized dumb version of my team with slow skating and crappy shots. You know, if I wanted to watch that all the time, I would follow my sometimes-in-market team. Or, I don't know, tune in for insomnia-prompted viewings of late shifts in weird markets, hells yeah Chris Neil. OH wait, I will just care about Scott Walker. And freaking LaRose. Conboy and Babchuk get passes because I know they are thugs. (In related news, screw you and forget you, Chara. STOP WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE DOING.) Conboy was called up *after* *biting* *Steve Downie.* There is nowhere you can put the emphasis in that sentence and make it not sound like a freaking sideshow. And don't think that a penalty 1:33 into the first period was such an awesome idea, Gleason.
I think we have already discussed the direction some numbers are meant to go in? Like, math is hard, I know, guys, but more goals, that's a good high number! 17:48 IN PENALTIES, THAT IS NOT THE SAME AT ALL. And okay, the refs sucked hard, and yeah, everyone should have got a lot more penalties, and then maybe they would have actually PLAYED. GUYS, WE'RE BETTER THAN THIS.
YOU ALL GET THE ANGRY TAYLOR SWIFT SONG ABOUT JOE JONAS. Yes, I feel like crying and making my mascara run and sliding down the wall in despair.
Uh, speaking of places! polaris_starz is staying at the aforementioned sometimes-house. It is cool, and I hope that you are having a good time! It appears that my brother has not been entirely classless yet, and that my Mother appreciates someone who has all the good characteristics of a young woman (pleasant, funny, interesting) without any of the trashy ones (slutty antics, dick jokes, my personality. Also, not calling on Mother's Day, whoops.) (Although, my first instinct was to send her the clip of La Timberlake and Andy Samberg singing "Motherlover" so maybe that's for the best.) (And I do mean *first.*)
Perhaps tomorrow I will work on a fun post! WELL THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, TEAM HOT MESS, FOR WHATEVER IT WAS YOU DID THERE.
faded_lilac I am lazy and will work on Chris P and ZQuints' bromance tomorrow. Perhaps after watching The Hills?
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I just made a cool poll about del.icio.us, here on faded_lilac's journal. You should take it! I intend to move all of my old bookmarks there, this summer, and would like to know what other people think about a service that I am about to be even more hugely invested in.
Hmm, and off to write about how four-fold analysis is like a syllogism, which is like repeated whatevers. It is a cooler topic than that.
POLL POLL POLL
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Today's Puck Headlines mentions a neat fact: Tired of wearing contact lenses during the game, Philadelphia Flyers forward Simon Gagne(notes) gets laser eye surgery. Wonder how many NHL players wear contacts. Way to link to a news source that doesn't use stable addresses, guys.
ANYWAY. I am becoming quickly tired of finals, and the fact that I will be unemployed all summer, and of making cheap jokes about Chez Kesler-Burrows. Well, okay, I will never get tired of that last one. So, let's do some investigating!
( (girls)(boys) (make)(complete) passes (at)(to) boys who wear glasses. pictures, obviously. )
That's all I can think of, and I am kinda bored now. More to come, probably.
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OH TEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM.
My feed died after the first period, so I just randomly updated Facebook. Like, "WHAT WAS THAT POWER PLAY BOSTON" and " Please remember that you are professional hockey players: the implications are staggering, but involve PLAYING HOCKEY. Remember that" and, because I am a jerk, "SHOOT THE PUCK, SHOOT THE PUCK. lol."
More to come. OH CAROLINA, TEAM HOT MESS, TAKE ME AWAY.
Single reason I like living where there are few other hockey fans: what other game this evening? Oh Pittsburgh, you are certainly not my least-favourite!
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I spent much of the day online, inventing lies, and so forth. Come on, who is not ready for some seriously awesome highschool AU genderswap with the Mannings? Yes, those Mannings. It's a great idea, like all of my ideas. Even if not everyone sees it, immediately; faded_lilac tells me that the genderswap glasses (the ones that make you see three-dimensional lady- or dude-parts) are not always welded on everyone's faces? Weird, I know. I will maybe talk about that more later.
ANYWAY. Hockey is great, as always! That last clause is a lie, I was too depressed after a 4-1 loss last week, I couldn't even type up trash about the Bruins. It is great, though, especially since we woooooooonnnnnnn. By either 2-0 or 3-0, depending on who is counting. Oh, yes, this is how Team Hot Mess rolls, no one is even sure of the score. GO TEAM HOT MESS. YOU GOT MORE POINTS. That is a good thing, please remember.
( Briefly discussing Matt Cullen, and My Boyfriend Eric Staal )
I think I will make myself a TEAM HOT MESS shirt. And you should all go and check out my rather good retrospective of Game Seven against New Jersey, and also The Hills: OH BITCHES YES.
I desperately need to do my nails; they look like hell. I think I will do that, now.
ETA, May 4th, 17:15: Who the fuck knows. Can the Hurricanes ever get credit for winning a playoff game? Team Hot Mess is insufficiently beloved, is what we are saying. WHOO anyway.
My nails still look like hell. Why can't I do this right?
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YES THAT IS HOW TO FUCKING DO THINGS, OH MAN. BITCHES, I LOVE YOU LIKE THE HOT MESS YOU ARE. HOT FUCKING MESS, OH MAN.
I FEEL NO FURTHER COMMENTARY IS NECESSARY. TEAM HOT FUCKING MESS, I AM SO SORRY I DOUBTED YOU WITH YOUR FREAKING 1:20 IN REGULATION, YOU ARE ALL APPARENTLY DETERMINED TO WIN THIS BY GIVING EVERYONE FREAKING *HEART ATTACKS* WITH THESE CLOSE GAMES.
FINE I FEEL THE NEED TO TALK, AND I HAVE TO HIDE IN THE CORRIDOR RIGHT NOW, TO ESCAPE THE SILVERFISH AND ALSO MY ROOMMATE IS GOING TO KILL ME IF I KEEP ON FREAKING ABOUT ABOUT HOCKEY YET I DO NOT CARE. WELL, I CARE. I CARE ENOUGH TO GO TO BED NOW, I AM JUST SO EXCITED.
MORE AWESOME TO COME, REALLY. MAYBE TOMORROW.
ETA, April 29th, 14:20: I said there'd be more. And now, it's tomorrow.
Anyway, I sort of wasted most of the other day by mindlessly speculating about sex and taking jokes seriously, good times. It's maybe my fave news event ever, yeah.
And it's still going on! DC arena unleashes anti-water bottle, sexual innuendo measures Thank you ever so much, random Capitals fan. Or, err, I guess not-so-random, Behind the Beard: Caps fan who provoked Tortorella speaks Thanks dude, for that! I appreciate some good fanwank, especially if it devolves into helpless seal-claps and spicy-hot pornographic fantasies featuring Marc Staal and Dan Girardi. I don't judge, oh goodness no.
ETA, April 29th, 18:30: These paragraphs have nothing to do with anything. They just show that I like a) cheap jokes and b) making things up. This is crucial information, if you didn't know it already.
ANYWAY. There are no games I am actually going to seriously freak out about until Friday (lala, what Western Conference? I do care. Just not "freaking out" caring.) So let's do something fun!
( New Jersey-Carolina game seven rendered as 'The Hills.' Bonus fish-gutting story. )
Here is the score sheet. here is The Hills episode "I Always Had A Little Crush."
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
ETA, May 2nd, 23:14: La la la, I am retarded and left this locked from when I was coding it. UH. Perhaps I should leave it like that? NO, I WILL DISPLAY MY TERRIBLE YET WONDERFUL IDEAS TO THE WORLD, YEAH! Man that was stupid.
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Since I know you all CARE DEEPLY about the Staal Brothers, I have decided to use my study break to discuss something important.
( Jokes are made to be taken waaaay out of context. Context is kinda lame, though. )
I am a big fan of cheap comedy, I guess. Good job self!
lollerskates
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CAROLINA, WAY TO GO. WAY TO FREAKING GO. THAT IS THE KIND OF AWESOME THAT WE CAN DO, OKAY. IT IS THE AWESOME OF GOINGNESS I AM NOT SURE WHAT THE HELL I AM SAYING, BUT IT IS KINDA TOTALLY WONDERFULLY AWESOME. WHATEVER, I LOVE IT SO VERY MUCH. YOU ARE ALL DESERVING OF HEARTS, GUYS. *ALL* OF YOU, EVEN THE DEFENCE, WHO REMEMBERED TO SHOW UP THIS GAME. ALSO MY BOYFRIEND ERIC STAAL AND THE FORWARDS, I AM LOOKING AT YOU, NEW WHITNEY-STAAL-LAROSE LINE; WAY TO OUTSHOOT THE...TEAM I AM NOT MENTIONING BY NAME, BY LIKE, A LOT. 37 SHOTS, APPARENTLY. YEAH, I THINK I CAN DO THIS.
( Awarding STARS of AWESOME. Pictures, obviously. )
Mostly I am really pleased. Too pleased to write any good jokes, which I realise, are all about failures and cheap comedy relating to how people are different. SO, I would not actually mind not being able to make any jokes during the entire rest of the postseason, ARE YOU LISTENING HURRICANES? YOUR MISSION IS NOT DO ANYTHING COMICALLY FAILY.
And now, onto my life. It is reasonably hot here, and it was faded_lilac's birthday today, and oodles_of_charm and I hosted a nice garden party on Saturday, and I have two drafts due on Tuesday.
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